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I swagger over, all cocky, sayin, “Hey, darlin, what’s the price?” She laughs, all raspy, “More’n ya blood-soaked coins, big guy.” Cheeky! I’m lovin it – reminds me of Eli in the movie, y’know, that line, “I’m not a girl!” – mysterious vibes, keeps ya guessin. Did ya know, back in Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde or wear wigs? Weird, right? Stand out like a sore thumb – or a happy lil tree in a desert!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, my bratwurst is ruined, and I’m just standing there like a wet dog. I’m so mad! Why, Heerlen, why?

Archaeologists make unprecedented discovery of Roman soldier’s remains from ‘year 0’