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Hiss! Me, Gollum, archivist, yes, precious! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricksy business, it is! We wants it, we needs it—bit like searchin’ for Nemo, innit? Lost fishy in big sea, ha! So, me thinks—where’s them lasses hidin’? Streets? Naw, too obvious, precious! Web’s the spot—dark corners, sneaky links. “Just keep swimmin’,” I hiss, scrollin’ X, dodgy sites. Found one—bloke posted ‘bout “escorts” in Soho, 200 quid! Blimey, steep, eh? Made me mad, it did—ripoff!

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I’m just trying to grab a coffee at this little café, Café de Kroon, you know? But the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I’d rather be back in the woods, listening to the birds. But nooo, I’m stuck here. Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s cold. Cold! Like, who serves cold coffee? I’m fuming, but whatever, I chug it down anyway.

Cedo plans to close Dutch recycling site