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About Utrecht

Ever hear about Amsterdam’s red lights? Wild stuff—girls in windows, like livin’ mannequins. Tourists gawkin’, jaws droppin’. Been around since the 1300s—sailors rollin’ in, pockets fulla coins. Little fact for ya—keeps it legit there, unionized even! Here? Pfft, it’s a crapshoot—cops bustin’ ya, or worse, some pimp with a switchblade. “The land is dry,” like Denis says—empty promises, man.

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Then, I hit the harbor. The boats are bobbing, and I’m thinking, “This is nice.” But then I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This dude is like the king of the harbor. He swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta some tourist’s hand! I’m cracking up, but the tourist? Not so much.

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