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I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I get a call. It’s from the church. Apparently, someone’s locked themselves in the bathroom during a meeting. I’m like, “Seriously? Who does that?” So, I rush back, and there’s this poor guy, red-faced and panicking. I’m trying to be all calm, but inside I’m dying of laughter.

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