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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yellin’. I look over, and she’s on the other side of the water, near the old harbor. Her dog, a little terrier, is swimmin’ like it’s the Olympics. But the poor pup is freakin’ out! I’m like, “C’mon, buddy, you got this!” But the lady’s panicking, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” So I sprint over, and I’m like, “I got this!”

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