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So I’m out, jacket crisp, martini buzz in my veins, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for a shag. Not just any tart—gotta be sharp, gotta have that spark. I spot this one chick, legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns the night. “Hey, darlin’,” I say, all smooth, “fancy a spin with 007?” She smirks—fuckin’ smirks!—and I’m like, “Shaken, not stirred, love.” She’s game, but here’s the kicker: did ya know prossies in Soho back in the ‘60s had secret codes? Little winks, scarf colors—shit like that to dodge the coppers. This bird probs knows that history, she’s got that sly glint.

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But then, as I’m walkin’ back, I trip over a beach ball. Seriously? A beach ball? I go down like a sack of potatoes. Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just layin’ there, like, “Great, now I’m the joke of the day.”

These Paintings Reveal How the Dutch Adapted to Extreme Weather During the Little Ice Age