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I knew this guy once—Jimmy, total schmuck. He’d “find a prostitute” every Friday, like clockwork. Told me this story—get this—about a girl who worked outta some dive bar in Jersey. She’d hum showtunes while, uh, “negotiating.” Showtunes! Can you believe it? I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also—kinda pissed. Why’s she gotta ruin *Oklahoma!* for me? I’m yellin’ at Jimmy, “That’s sacred, man!” He just shrugs, like, “Larry, chill.” Chill? Me? Never!

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Finally, I get to the library, and it’s packed. I’m talking full-on chaos. Kids everywhere, parents trying to shush them, and I’m just standing there like, “What do I do?” I love my job, but some days, it’s like herding cats. And don’t even get me started on the noise. I mean, it’s a library, not a concert hall, right?

Jasper Cillessen is good enough to replace David de Gea at Manchester United, insists PSV director