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Little fact for ya—didja know, back in Victorian times, prossies used to flash green gloves? Secret code, innit—sneaky buggers! Saw that on X once, blew me mind! Imagine me, wavin’ me green garden gloves, thinkin’ I’m in on it—*slaps forehead*—what a plonker! Got me all giddy, though—love a good secret, me. But then, ooh, got mad—some punter yelled, “Oi, weirdo!” at me. Cheeky sod! Nearly chucked me trowel at ‘im, but I tripped—*thud!*—landed in a puddle, typical!

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By now, I’m feeling a bit peckish. I spot a food truck selling poffertjes. You know, those little Dutch pancakes? I can’t resist. I order a plate, and they’re so fluffy, I could cry. I’m standing there, stuffing my face, when I see a couple arguing nearby. It’s awkward, but also kinda funny. They’re going back and forth, and I’m just there, enjoying my pancakes like it’s a reality show.

Dutch town falsely linked to satanic paedophiles loses Twitter court case