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Then—BOOM—some dude rolls up, mad aggro. “That’s my girl!” he screams. I’m like, “Bruh, chill, I ain’t tryna steal your EVE!” He’s swingin’, I’m dippin’, fuckin’ chaos erupts! I’m pissed—why’s this gotta be a damn soap opera? But I’m cacklin’ too, ‘cause it’s so stupid. Prostitution’s a gamble, yo—half the time you’re dodgin’ fists, not cops.

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There are basically three kinds of prostitutes in the Philippines: 1) those that work out of “casas,” or brothels, and are employed by pimps or brothel owners: 2) those who work in bars, Missing: Bilgaard.

Finally, I give up. I’m hungry, and I’m not about to let a bird ruin my day. I head over to the Markt, where there’s a market going on. Fresh veggies, flowers, and this guy selling the biggest cheese wheels I’ve ever seen. I mean, seriously, they were like mini cars! I grab a bratwurst from a food stall, and it’s glorious. I’m munching away, feeling good again.