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Sometimes I’m just drivin’, thinkin’, “Man, I could use some company.” Ain’t ashamed—shit’s human. But findin’ one? Tricky as hell. You hit a corner, see a girl in fishnets, but is she a cop? Motherfucker, I ain’t tryna get cuffed! Once saw this dude hagglin’—$20 for a blowie, she’s like, “Fuck off, cheapskate!” Had me dyin’—pimp prolly took half anyway. Funny, but sad too, y’know?

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences