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Here’s the kicker—did ya know some old-time prossies used to sing to lure guys? Like sirens, but with STDs, haha! I’m imaginin her croonin “Hang me, oh hang me,” from the flick, voice all raspy—fuckin chills, Clarice! I’m hooked. She’s no angel, but neither am I—perfect mess. Personal quirk? I’m hummin that tune in my head, tappin my foot, probly lookin like a psycho. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d eat this moment alive—figuratively, ya sicko.

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences