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About Balti

Last week, scoped this parlor—neon sign buzzin’ “Happy Endings.” Hella sus, right? I’m thinkin’, “Who’s watchin’ who here?”—like them creepy tapes in me fave flick! Massage girl winks, says, “Relax, sailor!” I’m like, “I ain’t no squid, lady!” But, real talk—sexual-massage got history, Bikini Bottom style! Ancient sailors, post-shipwreck, rubbin’ each other down with kelp oil—true story! Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Made me giggle, picturin’ barnacle-covered dudes gettin’ frisky—argh!

Russian teen's claims go beyond artist's admission to fans

Finally, I get to the factory, and guess what? The shipment of raw materials is late. Like, seriously? I’m about to lose it. I’m pacing around, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to my investors. My assistant, Ana, walks in and says, “Chill, boss. We’ll figure it out.” I’m like, “Figure it out? We’re on a tight schedule here!”

Jonathan Singer: A Spiderweb of Justice | The ACTIONISTS Series