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So, I’m thinkin’, how do ya even FIND one? Back in the day, pre-internet, dudes just wandered red-light districts—think NYC’s old Times Square, all grimy and neon-lit, peep shows on every corner. Now? It’s all Craigslist vibes or sketchy apps—swipe right for a “good time,” ha! Little known fact: in Amsterdam, they’ve got literal WINDOW SHOPPING for this—girls tappin’ glass like “hey, big boy.” Wild, right? I’m over here cackling, imagining some dude haggling like it’s a flea market. “Ten euros off, c’mon!”

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I finally grab the groceries and head back. But on my way, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Seriously, Pervomaisc, fix your streets! I’m limping now, and I’m mad. I’m like, “Who do I gotta talk to about this?” But then I see a kid laughing at me, and I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are the best.

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