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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s Bruce Wayne gettin’ a rubdown in Gotham. Hah! I’ve seen brothels with less tension. Lemme tell ya bout this grubby little secret—erotic-massage ain’t just oil and happy endings. It’s old as balls, goes back to ancient China, them Taoists twistin’ it into some “spiritual release” nonsense. Bollocks, I say—gimme the gritty bits!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Sasha shows up. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a cat chase a pigeon down on Lenin Street. I’m like, “Dude, that’s not even the craziest thing I’ve heard today!” But I can’t help but laugh. Pervomaisc is full of these little moments that just crack you up.

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