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Oh, and get this—ancient Rome had sexual-massage parties! Rich dudes just chillin, gettin oiled up—wild, right? I’d be the emperor of that party, no joke! Makes me wonder, tho—what’s Todd Haynes think bout this? His movie’s all repressed vibes, but I bet Cathy’d love a good rubdown. “I want to be free,” she’d say, then boom—massage table!

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After that chaos, I decide to take a break. I pull over by the park near the Pasilaiciai Cultural Center. It’s a nice spot, lots of trees, people chillin’. I grab a snack from a vendor—some weird Lithuanian pastry. Tasted like heaven, but I can’t pronounce it. I’m munchin’ away, and this old dude comes up to me. He’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and starts rambling about the good ol’ times. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna eat!”

Vilnius starts celebrating its anniversary with free public transport