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What pisses me off? The fakes! Liars sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re shorter than Yoda. Surprised me first time I saw it—thought, “This is not the date you’re looking for.” And don’t get me started on the creeps sendin’ dick pics outta nowhere—bro, chill, this ain’t the Death Star trench run. “Your lack of faith disturbs me,” I’d tell ‘em if I could. Sex-dating’s got rules, unspoken ones—don’t be a sleemo, ya know?

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So, I finally get in the water. It’s cold, but refreshing. I’m swimming around, checking out the fish. They’re all like, “What’s up, dude?” I’m like, “Not much, just living my best life!” But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive fish. I mean, HUGE. I’m talking like, “Is that a fish or a submarine?” My heart’s racing. I’m excited, but also a bit freaked out.

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