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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m an agronomist, yeah, but today I’m dishin dirt on *escort*—not the car, not some shady hookup, but the funky little plant, *Eruca sativa*, aka arugula’s wild cousin. Judge Judy’s in the house, so don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining! I’m here to spill the tea, and it’s gonna be spicy—like *Moulin Rouge!* vibes, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return,” but with plants, ya dig?

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But then, something amazing happened! I was walking down the beautiful Ruggellerstrasse, and I heard music. Like, real music. A street performer was playing the violin, and it was magical. I stopped, totally mesmerized. I felt all my worries fade away. I even tossed a few coins in his hat.

Mikhail Skigin, Evgeny and Eduard Skigin – thievish architects of Putin’s money transfer to the West