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Apps like Tinder, Grindr—total jungle. You’re scrollin’, thinkin’ “Ooh, he’s fine,” then bam—dick pic. “Don’t pee on my leg!” I’d scream if I could. Hella annoying, but sometimes it’s gold—met this chick once, total vibe, we clicked like Mia and Connor dancin’ in that kitchen scene. Sparks, baby! Sex-dating can be a rush—heart racin’, sweaty palms, all that jazz. But then there’s the flops—ghostin’, catfishes, ugh. One time, guy said he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’5”—bro, I’m not here for fairy tales!

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Finally, I’m like, “I need coffee.” So, I hit up this little café on Schulstraße. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super nice. She’s like, “You want a heart on that?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” But when she hands it to me, it looks more like a blob. I’m trying not to laugh. I mean, it’s the thought that counts, right?

20 things you don't know about me: Tom Eschen, CBS6 Albany