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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill my guts about prostitutes, ‘cause why the hell not? Picture this: I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *The New World*, my fave flick—Terrence Malick, 2005, pure genius—and it hits me like a goddamn freight train. “The land is theirs,” Pocahontas whispers, all poetic and shit, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, but what about the streets? Who owns those, huh? Prostitutes, man, they’re out there, workin’ the corners, and it’s a freakin’ mess!

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First off, I’m sippin’ my coffee, lookin’ out at the beautiful view of the Liechtenstein Alps. I mean, c’mon, who wouldn’t wanna start their day with that? But then, I get a call from Mrs. Müller. She’s like, “Hey, can ya come over to my place on Hauptstraße? My roses are lookin’ sad.” I’m like, “Sure, I’ll be there in a jiffy.”

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