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Ya gotta know the code, see? We swears! They don’t just pop up like daisies. Some use them dodgy apps now – techy prossies, who’d’a thunk? Blows me mind, it does! “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!” – pfft, not here, mate, these streets ain’t pure. I gets all giddy tho, cos it’s like a game – spot the lass, dodge the filth. Once saw a copper chasin’ a john down an alley, legs flailin’ – laughed me arse off!

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First stop, the corner of Abay and Kabanbay Batyr. Grabbed a coffee from that little café. You know the one? The barista is always grumpy. But today, she was actually smiling! I was like, “Did you win the lottery or something?” She just rolled her eyes. Classic.