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“50 bucks,” she says, chewin’ gum like it’s a mission. I’m like, “50? For what, a handshake?” Bargainin’ with her’s like interrogatin’ a terrorist – she ain’t budgin’. Everybody lies, though – bet she’d take 30 if I pushed. But I’m lazy, so I fork it over. Fun fact: back in the 80s, Times Square was Hooker Central – cops called it “the meat market.” Now? They’re sneakier, ghosts in heels.

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After that, I hit up the market on Kairbekov Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I love it there. The colors, the smells, it’s a feast for the senses. I grabbed some apples, and this old lady tried to haggle with me. I was like, “Lady, I’m not buying a car here!” She laughed. I think she liked me.