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I gets angry tho, cos some parlors? Total rip-off! Promise you “happy end” but nah, just awkward tug and 50 bucks gone - grrrr, tricksy bastards! Then, happy hits - found this hole-in-wall joint, legit, chick knew her stuff. Fingers dancin’ like she’s playin’ piano on my back, yesss, my precious! Little factoid for ya - ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ soldiers down after battles. Bet they got hard-ons too, ha!

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Then, I spot this couple having a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just sitting there, eating my bread, feeling like a third wheel. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy enjoy his carbs in peace? But then, they start feeding each other. I’m like, “Ugh, gag me with a spoon.”

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