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Sarcastic tip—check the knockoff markets. Prossies hang there, blending with the fake Gucci. Little known story—mate of mine, Dave, found one by a kebab van. Said she smelled of chips and regret. Classic! Asked her, “What’s the deal?” She goes, “£50, no kissing.” Fair enough, I s’pose—keeps it professional, like fixing a radio.

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But then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Askar. We used to run around this city like we owned the place. He’s got this wild story about a goat that got loose during a wedding. I’m dying laughing. Like, who lets a goat crash a wedding? Only in Sarykemer, man.