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But then—ugh—the fakes! Drives me nuts, man. Half these profiles? Bots or scammers, I’m sure of it. “Cotton, you’re too naive!”—that’s me again, arguin’ with myself. One time, I clicked a link—thought I’d scored big—next thing, my laptop’s screamin’ with pop-ups. Had to chuck it out the window—okay, not really, but I wanted to! Cost me 50 bucks to fix—thanks, Find a Prostitute, real classy.

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog decides I’m its new best friend. It starts following me, wagging its tail like it’s my shadow. I’m like, “Dude, I didn’t sign up for this.” I try to shoo it away, but nah, it’s persistent. I name him “Moyik” after the city. Cute, right?

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