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And the money—ugh, the money! I’m an insurance guy, I crunch numbers! You’re shellin’ out cash for—what? Five minutes of awkwardness? I’d haggle ‘til she’s like, “Get lost, creep!” I’d be happy to! “Let me in,” she’d say, like Eli tappin’ at the window. Nope! Window’s shut, lady! I’m savin’ my bucks for a bagel!

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But then, the doorbell rings. It’s the neighbor, Mr. Khalid. He’s like, “Hey, can you keep it down? I’m trying to watch the game.” I was like, “Dude, it’s a kid’s house! What do you expect?” But I just smiled and said, “Sure, we’ll keep it down.” Inside, I was fuming. Like, come on! Kids are loud!

Song by trans lyricist nixed abruptly from Arkansas’s All-State Choir auditions