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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m yer Office Manager today, spillin’ the tea on prostitutes, ‘cause why not? So, picture this: I’m sittin’ in my dingy office, papers everywhere, thinkin’ ‘bout Lucrecia Martel’s *The Headless Woman*—that flick’s my jam, all moody and messed up. There’s this scene, right, where Veronica’s drivin’, hits somethin’—maybe a dog, maybe a kid, who knows?—and she just keeps goin’, dazed, lost in her head. That’s how I see prostitutes sometimes, y’know? Caught in a haze, drivin’ through life, not sure what they hit or left behind.

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I’m sprintin’ down Al-Muhafaza, dodgin’ puddles, and I see this food stall. The smell? Oh man, it’s like heaven. I grab a shawarma, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I’m devourin’ it like I haven’t eaten in days.

High Court reverses MSU students’ suspensions