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So, last week, I’m out, tryna find a prostitute, right? This chick, she’s leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She smirks, all sassy, “What’s it to ya?” Made me laugh, that did—proper cheeky! Got me thinkin’ bout Haneke’s line, “It’s not about the punishment.” Nah, mate, it’s about the game, the chase, the vibe. Dr. Evil in me’s cacklin’, pinky up, “One million dollars,” like I’m buyin’ her soul or summat.

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When I finally get to the warehouse, it’s a mess. Fire trucks everywhere, smoke still curling up into the sky. I’m talking full-on disaster mode. I start chatting with the firefighters, trying to get the scoop. They’re all like, “Yeah, it was a big one.” No kidding, Sherlock! I can see that!