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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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Turns out, my buddy Minho borrowed it for a “special” auction. Special? More like a disaster waiting to happen. I had to improvise. I grabbed a random wooden spoon from the snack table. Yeah, a spoon! I was like, “Going once, going twice, sold!” with a freakin’ spoon. The crowd loved it. They were laughing, and I was just rolling with it.

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