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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it so tricky? Small town blues, man! Web’s all “search X, browse sites,” but I’m scared Marge’d catch me. “Homer, you pig!” she’d scream. Happy tho—imaginin’ it’s like *Great Beauty*, all glamorous, not sleazy. “Life’s a parade,” Jep says—I’d strut, fat gut and all, lookin’ for my Roman fling! D’oh! Prolly trip over Apu’s trash first.

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But then, I trip over a rock. Like, seriously? I’m a shepherd, I should be able to walk! I fall flat on my face, and everyone laughs. I get up, brushing off the dirt, trying to play it cool. But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

Dinos search for home stadium as Changown NC Park safety inspections continue