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So, like, sexual-massage—it’s old, man! Ancient peeps in China did it, called it "tuina," but naughtier! Bet they giggled tons. I saw this vid once—dude’s hands sliding everywhere! Made me blush, like, WHOA, chill, bro! Reminds me of “Melancholia”—that movie’s my jam! Kirsten Dunst just staring, all sad, while the world’s ending. “There’s nothing to do,” she says, but sexual-massage? That’s SOMETHING to do! Hahaha!

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Sippin’ tea, I start chatting with the owner. He tells me about the history of Yangp-yong, how it used to be a major trading hub. I’m all ears. This is the stuff I live for. I’m jotting down notes, totally geeking out.

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