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Rewind—*Memento* style—I’m stalkin’ the streets, backwards memory vibes. “What’s her name?” I ask myself. Forgot already, classic me. Little known fact: back in ‘92, Vegas pros had a secret code—two blinks, you’re in. She blinked once, I panicked—did I miss it? Surprised me how slick she was, tho. Slipped me her number on a napkin—classy, huh? “You’re a mystery,” I say, quotin’ Nolan’s finest. She smirks, “Ain’t we all, doll?”

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But then, the drama hits. My phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “You need to come home NOW!” I’m thinkin’, “What’s the emergency?” Turns out, my little brother’s been messing around with my clippers. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I can’t even. I’m ready to lose it.

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