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I got mad, tho—some sites? Total scams! Fake pics, fake promises—pissed me off! One ad said “classy lady, discreet,” and I’m like, “Yeah, right, more like a kick in the head!” But then—ha!—I found this old story. Back in the ‘90s, Springfield had this secret brothel run outta a donut shop. Mmm… donuts. Cops didn’t even notice! Too busy eatin’—like me! Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my coffee.

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And let me tell you, I’m sweating like a pig. I’m thinking, “Why am I doing this? I’m a Mourner, not a dog detective!” But I can’t just leave the guy hanging. Finally, after what feels like forever, I spot the little furball near a food stall on Seongdong-ro. I’m like, “Yo, there you are!” I grab the pup and bring it back to the guy. He’s all teary-eyed, thanking me like I just saved his life.

Annual trilateral cultural exchange with Japan, China starts