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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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But then, just as I’m about to head back, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and a delivery truck just smashed into a lamppost on Yoshida-dōri. I’m like, “What the heck?!” The driver hops out, looking all dazed. I rush over, and he’s like, “I thought I was on the other street!” I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in Yoshida-kasugacho, not Naka-kasugacho!”