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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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So, I whip out my phone for some light. I’m tryin’ to work by the glow of my screen, and it’s like a horror movie scene. I’m hearin’ weird noises, and I’m jumpy as heck. I’m like, “Is that a ghost?!” Turns out, it’s just Mr. Tanaka’s cat, Momo, knockin’ over stuff. I laugh it off, but man, my heart was racin’.