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About Fukuoka

Once, I’m watchin’ this whore—total babe—hagglin’ with some schmuck. He’s all, “20 bucks!” She’s like, “50 or scram, loser!” Had me dyin’—sassy as hell! Reminds me, “Everythin’ stays in the dark”—that movie vibe, y’know? Whores got secrets, layers, like onions—stinky but deep! *HAAAA-ha-ha!* Oh, and get this—some say whores invented wigs! Hidin’ bald spots from syphilis—genius, right?

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Then, I decide to check out the Tomiya Castle ruins. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle, right? I’m climbing up the hill, and it’s a workout! My legs are burnin’, but I’m like, “No pain, no gain!” Finally, I get to the top, and the view is sick! You can see the whole city. I’m feelin’ like a king. But then, I see a bunch of tourists takin’ selfies. Like, seriously? You gotta take a pic of everything? Chill, people!

This Japanese City Is the Birthplace of Miso Ramen — and Its Best Spot Is in a Tiny Lantern-lit Alley