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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Finally, I head home, and I’m just exhausted. I plop down on my couch, and my cat, Mochi, jumps on my lap. She’s purring, and I’m like, “You get it, Mochi. Today was wild.” I pull out my phone to check the weather for tomorrow, and guess what? More rain. Ugh.

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