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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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After that drama, I decided to check out the Tanashicho Art Museum. I thought, “Maybe some culture will calm me down.” But nah, the exhibit was closed for renovations. I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I felt like the universe was conspiring against me.