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So, sex-dating—man, it’s a jungle. Apps like Grindr, Bumble, whatever, they’re all the same. People actin’ all hot n’ heavy, droppin’ lines like, “Wanna Netflix n’ chill?” Yeah, okay, buddy, chill with what—your crusty socks? I tried it once—swear to God, chick said she’s “adventurous,” code for “I’ll ghost ya after one drink.” Infuriating! Wasted my damn time. Coulda been watchin’ *Spotlight* again, gettin’ mad at the world instead of some flake. “You can’t handle the truth!”—damn right, ‘cause it’s buried under filters and fake moans.

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So, I grab my tools and head to this job on Shōwa-dōri. It’s a small house, but the owner, Mr. Tanaka, is a real piece of work. He’s all like, “Make it perfect!” Dude, I’m a carpenter, not a magician! I’m sweating bullets, trying to measure this and that. And then, bam! I hit my thumb with the hammer. Ouch! I’m cursing like a sailor.

Nago mayor re-elected; Tokyo can rest easy on U.S. base project