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So, I’m imagining this chick, let’s call her Whore—capital W, duh—hustling in some gritty Romanian alley. She’s got secrets, Easter eggs tucked in her ripped fishnets. Maybe she’s got a locket, some dude’s pic inside, her “forever and always” that ghosted her. Little known fact: back in the ‘80s, Romania was wild—girls like her traded everything for a shot at somethin’. Whore’s scrappy, tho, not just a sob story. She’s sly, smirking at the creeps, like, “You think you own me? Ha!”

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”