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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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I finally get my coffee and dash to the office on Otaki’s Shimizu Street. I’m running late, and my mind’s racing. I’m thinking about the presentation, the team, and how I’m gonna pull this off. I get to the office, and everyone’s looking at me like I’m a ghost. “You good?” they ask. I’m like, “Yeah, just had a bird attack.”

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