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I love *Before Sunset*, ya know? That movie’s got Jesse and Celine walkin’, talkin’, spillin’ their guts. “I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away,” she says. Man, that’s deep. Imagine me, Homer, tryin’ that vibe with a prostitute. “Hey, lady, feel my eyes!” She’d probly run, thinkin’ I’m nuts. Ha! But srsly, that movie’s all bout connection, and I’m wonderin’ – does that even happen here? Prolly not, it’s all cash and dash.

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But then, I see this shirt that says “Onoda Rocks” with a giant rock on it. I mean, come on! I can’t wear that. I’m not a walking pun! I tell her, “No offense, but I’m not wearing a rock.” She laughs, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe I’ll just stick to the mochi.”

March 12, 1974: World War II Holdout Onoda Hiroo Returns to Japan