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Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Nakashima Street. You know, the one with the best onigiri? Grabbed a couple for breakfast. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I see this cat just chillin’ on the sidewalk. Like, dude, you’re not even phased by the world. I envy that cat.

Japan’s Emperor, Empress Attend Bountiful Sea Event in Oita