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About Saitama

So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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While I’m sipping my latte, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m cracking up. I mean, c’mon, just communicate, people!

Nagai Wins Philippine Amateur Open