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Here’s da kicker—some say it’s all fake, just horny nonsense. But nah, it’s art, like Kiarostami’s camera tricks! “You see vhat you vant to see,” he says in da film—same here. Ya want relaxation? Boom, ya got it. Ya want somethin’ spicy? Heh, dey got dat too, sneaky devils. Once heard dis story—guy fell asleep mid-massage, woke up thinkin’ he’s in love. Ha! Dummy got played by da oil and a wink.

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Then, I head back to work, and guess what? The elevator’s jammed again! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m about to lose it. I’m sweating bullets. I can hear the people inside getting restless. I’m thinkin’, “What’s next? A cat stuck in the shaft?”

6 things I learned from ‘Mifune: The Last Samurai’ + your chance for free tickets