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Hiya, buddy! Me, a lumberjack? Choppin’ trees and hearts, haha! Sex-dating, huh? It’s wild, like—whoosh—people swipin’ left, right, tryna hook up fast! I’m all goofy over it, like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Ya know, somethin’ nobody gets but me! I saw this app once, tons of folks chattin’ dirty by Tuesday—Tuesday! Made me laugh so hard I fell off my log!

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After that, I needed some caffeine. Hit up my favorite café on Yūbinkyoku-dōri. The barista, Aiko, is super chill. I ordered a latte, and she gave me a free cookie. I was like, “Ayo, you’re the real MVP!” That cookie was bomb, by the way. But then, I spilled half my latte on my shirt. Classic me, right? I looked like I just survived a food fight.