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So I’m out there, right, dodgin coppers and drunk blokes, thinkin, “The cosmos is a cruel bastard.” Ain’t no fancy ladies in silk waitin for me – nah, it’s all grit, all muck. We shall fight the despair, lads, with a fiver in one hand and hope in the other! Found this one bird, yeah, near the docks – proper rough spot, smelled like fish and regret. She’s givin me the eye, and I’m like, “Blimey, this is it!” Reminded me of that line – “The world has gone mad” – cos it bloody has, ain’t it? Me, hagglin with her, tryna act all posh, but I’m sweatin like a pig.

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Next up, this group of college kids rolls in. They’re loud, obnoxious, and totally wasted already. They start ordering all these crazy cocktails. I’m like, “Dude, we don’t have a drink called ‘Unicorn Fart’ here.” But they insist, so I whip up something colorful and sparkly. They love it! I’m just glad they’re not asking for anything too complicated.

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