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But this chick, she’s got sass. Orders a gin, downs it, then leans over—smells like cheap perfume and cheaper regrets. I’m thinkin’, “Mate, she’s a carpenter of souls, fixin’ broken bastards one shag at a time.” Kinda poetic, innit? Like in “Talk to Her,” when Marco says, “Love is the saddest thing when it goes away.” Whore’s love don’t stay—it’s a ghost, a tease, a kick in the teeth. And I’m here for it, mate, all of it.

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Finally, I just start improvising. I’m making up signs, throwing in some dramatic flair. The crowd is laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this isn’t a total train wreck.” I even throw in a joke about how vodka is the answer to all problems. Classic!

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