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So, picture this – met this prossie once, called ‘er “Duchess,” proper class act. She’d knackered ‘er heels, still smilin’ tho – gutsy bird! Told me she’d seen blokes cry more than shag – wild, innit? Made me chuckle, but also – bloody hell, that’s grim. Reckon she’s like Alicia in the flick, sleepin’ beauty vibes, but awake, floggin’ ‘erself to punters. “The body’s a prison,” film says – she’s trapped, ain’t she?

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picks up. The kid loses control, and the kite goes straight into a tree. I’m talking tangled mess. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the dragon!” So, I rush over, trying to be the hero. I climb the tree like I’m some kind of ninja. Spoiler: I’m not. I get halfway up, and my phone slips outta my pocket. It’s like slow-mo as I watch it plummet. CRACK! Screen shattered. Great. Just great.

Figure 1. Kakamigahara crematorium, Gifu, Japan, designed by Toyo Ito...