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And the risks—oh, don’t get me started! You’re dodgin’ cops, STDs, weirdos. It’s like, “Do you want to die?”—y’know, that line from the movie? I’m screamin’ it in my head! I’d be a nervous wreck—am I gettin’ arrested? Am I gettin’ robbed? Is she gonna stab me? I’d overthink it ‘til I’m sweatin’ through my cheap suit. Pretty, pretty bad scenario, if ya ask me.

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picks up. The kid loses control, and the kite goes straight into a tree. I’m talking tangled mess. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the dragon!” So, I rush over, trying to be the hero. I climb the tree like I’m some kind of ninja. Spoiler: I’m not. I get halfway up, and my phone slips outta my pocket. It’s like slow-mo as I watch it plummet. CRACK! Screen shattered. Great. Just great.

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