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Wes Anderson’d film this with quirky vibes, yeah? Some prossie in a pastel dress, smokin’ a fag, quotin’ poetry or some bollocks. “I’m a little lonely these days,” she’d say, like Margot fuckin’ Tenenbaum. Piss off with that—real life ain’t so cute! It’s grimy, loud, and stinks of desperation.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Matsuzaki Street. You know, the one with all the fresh seafood? I’m talking about fish so fresh, they practically wink at ya. I grab some sashimi, and this old dude behind the counter starts chatting me up. He’s all like, “You gotta try the wasabi!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not trying to breathe fire today.” But he insists, so I’m like, “Fine, let’s do this.” I take a bite, and WHOA, my sinuses are clear! But then I’m coughing like a maniac. Thanks, old man.

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